(intro music playing)
Welcome, welcome, welcome to "Last Week Tonight"!
I'm John Oliver. A slightly longer edition of my show tonight
for reasons that will become clear later.
But just time for a quick recap of the week.
And we begin tonight with Iran,
the greatest threat to Salman Rushdie
since Padma Lakshmi's divorce attorney.
All week long-- all week long,
the world's attention was focused on the Iranian nuclear talks
taking place in Switzerland.
And for much of the week, we only had tantalizing glimpses
of some of the main players.
I want to show you some BuzzFeed video
of John Kerry taking a walk
This is the first time we've seen the Secretary of State
in quite a long time. And you can see the distance.
He's across the street there from the hotel, getting some air.
Tourists here are chanting, "I love you, John Kerry."
Wait. "I love you, John Kerry"?
Let's be clear. No lucid human
has ever said those words.
Even his wife has at most said,
"Certain aspects of your personality
are not displeasing, John."
That's as far as anyone can physically go.
Talks actually extended well past their initial deadline,
which is hardly surprising, given that they took place
in the Hotel Beau-Rivage Palace.
And if you think it looks spectacular from the outside,
wait till you see their promotional video.
Announcer: Welcome to the Hotel Beau-Rivage Palace.
This 15,000 square-foot spa
is the first of its kind in Switzerland.
The hotel's restaurants include Anne-Sophie Pic au Beau-Rivage Palace.
The 169 elegant rooms and sumptuous suites
are spacious, elegant, and exquisitely appointed.
Okay, I'm just gonna say it--
I want to have sex with that hotel.
Not in that hotel-- with it.
I want to fuck that hotel, is what I'm saying.
My point is,
why would any diplomat rush to close a deal in that place?
We went on their website and found that they offer--
and this is true-- not just Japanese bath treatments,
but also an upcoming hotel bar show
featuring funk-rock band, "The Inglorious Fonkers."
Oh, I'm sorry. You hadn't heard of the Inglorious Fonkers?
Well, prepare to have that changed forever.
* Have you heard about this affair? *
* Listen to the Fonkers, I'm sure you'll be amazed *
* I said...
That is the quintessential sound and look
of Swiss hotel funk.
But incredibly, despite all the hotel's attractions,
Thursday brought a huge announcement.
Today nearly round-the-clock negotiations with Iran
on how to curb its nuclear program
finally produced the framework of a deal.
Wow. Now if this holds,
that is a genuinely massive achievement.
And the very next day, the Iranians proved how excited they were.
Reporter: After marathon negotiations,
Iran's foreign minister, Javad Zarif arrived home a hero,
especially among the young who hoped the nuclear deal
would bring their country in from the cold.
At Friday prayers, there was the usual chant of "Death to America,"
but more habit than conviction.
Oh, that's good, I guess.
More habit than conviction.
You know, like an atheist saying "God bless you" when you sneeze,
or Billy Joel singing "Piano Man."
You know that song is just mouth noises to him at this point.
Now but before we all get too excited,
I should point out that this deal
is not technically a deal yet.
Our work is not yet done.
The deal has not been signed.
Between now and the end of June,
the negotiators will continue to work through the details
of how this framework will be fully implemented,
and those details matter.
And look, that won't be easy.
But just think of how incredible it'll be if they do it.
Just picture the scene. They're at the Hotel Beau-Rivage Palace.
They've just signed a historic deal.
It's May the 7th, and drifting up from the hotel bar
is this sound.
* Ah ah ah! Ba de ya *
* Say, do you remember
* Ba de ya, dancing in September? *
We have peace! Peace in our funking time!
Moving on to Nigeria,
the country whose prince is going to be sending you
some of that money he owes any day now.
After weeks of delay due to Boko Haram,
last weekend, Nigeria finally held their election.
Nigeria has a new president-- the opposition candidate,
retired major general Muhammadu Buhari,
defeating incumbent Goodluck Jonathan.
Jonathan issued a statement thanking Nigerians for the,
quote, "great opportunity to lead the country."
Okay, thanking people for the great opportunity
is a weird tone for a world leader,
'cause he sounds more like a temp who's leaving
after covering someone's maternity leave.
"Thanks for this great opportunity.
"Keep my resume on file in case Linda gets pregnant again.
Now who here can tell me my name?"
Goodluck Jonathan leaves behind a mixed legacy.
The very fact he conceded is actually
a major step forward for Nigerian democracy,
because this election was something of a milestone for them.
Reporter: This was the first real contest in Nigeria's history,
which is riddled with coups and rigged elections.
But with a truly independent electoral commission,
and the introduction of electronic voter registration,
a lid was kept on any fraud
and the power of the people won through.
That's absolutely fantastic.
Because whilst they've supposedly had democratic elections before,
and they did look a lot like the real thing,
they weren't quite it.
Much like imitation crab or Dave Franco--
just not quite what you were promised.
So Nigeria's new leader
will be Muhammadu Buhari.
And we actually have some inkling of how he may be as a leader,
because he's done it before.
Reporter: After Buhari last took power in a coup in 1983,
he brutally attacked corruption,
setting up military tribunals,
executing drug dealers publicly,
and punishing bureaucrats who arrived late for work,
forcing them to do squats.
That's actually true.
His government literally forced civil servants,
young and old, to do squat jumps as punishment--
something that looks like this.
Which means in the past he's basically been
the military dictator version of Jillian Michaels.
Bend your -- knees or I'm gonna break 'em with this pole.
You're not acting -- strong.
You're acting pathetic!
Get the -- up!
Unless you faint, puke, or die,
keep walking!
Okay, I take it back. It's pretty clear
the military dictator version of Jillian Michaels
is Jillian Michaels.
But finally this week,
President Obama, America's 44th not my president--
he's-- he's selling jobs initiatives on the road at the moment,
and this week he landed in unfriendly territory.
President Obama is heading to Utah late tonight.
Deep-red Utah, a state in which he only managed to get
25% of the vote back in 2012.
Ooh! Only 25%?
Ouch. It cannot be easy to go back somewhere
where 3/4 of the people don't really care for you.
Which is why I spend most of my time in this country.
That's a hard fact.
This-- this was actually his first trip to Utah as president ,
which drew people's attention to a potentially insulting fact.
He's hit 49 of the 50 states as president.
The only one missing? South Dakota.
Yes, much like Uber and sweatshirts without glitter on them,
the president has not yet made it to South Dakota.
And-- and it's not like the people who live there
have not noticed.
Well, it's official. South Dakota will become the only state
without a visit from President Barack Obama.
South Dakota is the only state
President Obama has not visited since taking office.
He's just saving the best for last. Exactly, right?
Obama came close when he was on the Standing Rock reservation last year.
Part of the reservation extends into South Dakota,
but Obama stayed north of the border.
Oh, come on!
He was in the neighborhood and he didn't drop by?
That feels like he's doing this on purpose.
The only thing more insulting than that would be if he does go,
but does it inside a giant plastic bubble.
"I'm not technically here. I'm not touching anything.
This doesn't count as a visit."
But maybe my favorite detail from South Dakota's coverage
is how one anchor tried to segue into some more positive news.
Reporter: It's unclear how soon Obama will visit South Dakota,
but with 21 months left on his term,
he does have plenty of time.
Last week, the Denny Sanford PREMIER Center officials
announced Rod Stewart will perform Saturday,
July 25th, in Sioux Falls.
That doesn't make it better, South Dakota.
A night with Rod Stewart is only a proper consolation prize
if your original goal was to have sex with Peter Gabriel.
And-- and it's not like the people of South Dakota
haven't been trying to lure the president.
Their secretary of tourism even wrote to him in 2013
inviting him to visit,
pointing out his wife and daughters had visited Mount Rushmore
and saying ominously, "Now it is your turn."
This-- this is all just getting so desperate.
And you haven't even seen their latest tourism ad.
Woman: Mr. President, South Dakota is a beautiful, historic state.
So why on earth won't you visit us?
You can see all South Dakota's amazing attractions--
The Corn Palace, Wall Drug,
that crazy horse monument that we're going to try to finish real soon,
the Corn Palace again,
we got some reptile gardens people seem to like,
and of course, the Corn Palace.
That's like six different things.
Plus if you come, you can meet some real nice people.
There's Gus, who closes the buffalo gate at dusk.
Stay put, you crazy buffaloes.
There's Tony, who rides his bike and points at squirrels.
And we got hobo George R. R. Martin.
Come on, Mr. President. Sure, we didn't vote for you either time,
but we love presidents so much,
we carved them into a mountain
and even have a whole wax museum devoted to you guys.
You can see a Jimmy Carter that will haunt your dreams,
George W. Bush at Ground Zero, which I guess we thought was appropriate,
and we think this is Bill Clinton, but no one's entirely sure.
And don't forget, you can see Rod Stewart!
So we got that going for us.
Come on, Mr. President. I mean, for crying out loud,
you've been to Montana.
That state's nothing but barbed-wire fences and goat fuckers.
Oh, I'm sorry, we shouldn't have said that.
It's definitely true, but we still shouldn't have said it.
The point is, please come to South Dakota, Mr. President.
South Dakota. If you close your eyes,
you can pretend it's North Dakota.
Moving on, moving on.
Our main story tonight is government surveillance.
And I realize most people would rather have a conversation
about literally any other topic,
including, "Is my smart phone giving me cancer?"
To which the answer is, "Probably."
Or, "Do goldfish suffer from depression?"
To which the answer is, "Yes, but very briefly."
But the fact is it is vital
that we have a discussion about this now
because an important date is just around the corner.
One big date to circle on the calendar
when it comes to a very controversial subject--
the reauthorization of the Patriot Act
and all of the controversial provisions therein.
June 1st, they've got to come to an agreement to reauthorize
or curtail this program.
Yes, some controversial provisions within the Patriot Att--
Patriot Act-- are set to expire on June 1st.
So circle that date on your calendars, everyone.
And while you're at it, circle June 2nd as well,
because that's Justin Long's birthday.
You all forgot last year and he fucking noticed.
Now over the last couple of years,
you've probably heard a lot about strange-sounding programs
such as XKeyscore, MUSCULAR, PRISM and MYSTIC,
which are, coincidentally, also the names
of some of Florida's least popular strip clubs.
"Welcome to XKeyscore! Our dancers are fully unredacted
and Tuesday is wing night!"
But if you don't mind, I would like to refresh your memory
over some of this. And let's start
by focusing on the most controversial portion of the Patriot Act
that is up for renewal-- section 215,
which I'm aware sounds like the name of an Eastern European boy band.
"We are Section 215.
Prepare to have your hearts throbbed."
There's-- there's the cute one, the bad boy,
the one who strangled a potato farmer, and the one without an iron deficiency.
They're incredible.
But the content of the real section 215
is actually even more sinister.
It's called section 215, nicknamed the Library Records Provision,
which allows the government to require businesses
to hand over records of any, quote, "any tangible things,
including books, records, papers, documents and other items."
If that sounds broad,
it's because it was very much written that way.
Section 215 says the government can ask for "any tangible things
"so long as it's for an investigation
to protect against international terrorism,"
which is basically a blank check.
It's like letting a teenager borrow the car on the strict condition
that they only use it for car-related activities.
"Okay, Mom and Dad, I'm gonna use this
"for a hand-job in the Wendy's parking lot,
but that is car-related, so I think I'm covered."
Section 215 is overseen by a secret intelligence court
known as the FISA Court.
And they've interpreted it to mean the government could basically
collect and store phone records for every American,
the vast majority of whom, of course, have no connection to terrorism,
unless Aunt Sheryl has been gravely mischaracterizing
in the activities of her needlepoint club.
"It's a sleeper cell, isn't it, Aunt Sheryl?
"You will hang for this, Aunt Sheryl!
"You're a traitor and a terrible aunt,
not in that order!"
Now the government will point out
that under 215, they hold phone records
and not the calls themselves.
What the intelligence community is doing
is looking at phone numbers
and durations of calls.
They are not looking at people's names
and they're not looking at content.
Yes.
But that's not entirely reassuring,
because you can extrapolate a lot from that information.
If they knew that you called your ex
12 times last night between 1:00 and 4:00 AM
for a duration of 15 minutes each time,
they can fairly sure that you left some pretty pathetic voice-mails.
"I don't care who's monitoring this call, Vicky!
"We should be together! Pick up the phone, damn it!
I'm a human being, not an animal!"
Now the Patriot Act was written
just after 9/11,
and for years, it was extended and reauthorized
with barely a passing thought.
In fact, it became so routine
that when it was extended in 2011,
one newscast just tacked it onto the end of a report
about a presidential trip abroad.
Chip Reid, CBS News, traveling with the president in Deauville, France.
Also in France, by the way, President Obama
assigned into law a four-year extension
of the terrorism-fighting Patriot Act.
"Also in France, by the way..."
"By the way!" He threw that in
like a mother telling her grown daughter that her childhood pet just died.
"Oh, nice talking to you, sweetie.
"Also, by the way, Mr. Peppers is dead.
See you at Christmas." Bang.
But all of that was before the public was made aware
of what the government's capabilities actually were.
'Cause that all ended in June of 2013.
Man: Edward Snowden has just taken responsibility
for one of the biggest government leaks in US history.
We learned that the government has the capacity to track
virtually every American phone call
and to scoop up impossibly vast quantities of data across the Internet.
Revelations that the NSA eavesdropped on world leaders.
If you've ever been to the Bahamas,
the NSA could have recorded your phone calls
and stored them for up to a month.
Yeah, all that information was exposed by Edward Snowden,
and it is still kind of incredible
that a 29-year-old contractor
was able to steal top-secret documents from an organization
that literally has the word "security" in its name.
Clearly that was not great for them,
because the only place where it should be that easy
for employees in their 20s to steal
is a Lids store.
"Dude, you sure I should take this?" "Relax, dude,
it's a Miami Marlins cap. We're not exactly selling Fabergé eggs here."
It is still unclear exactly how many documents Edward Snowden stole,
although he has consistently tried to reassure people
that he put them in good hands.
Honestly, I don't want to be the person making the decisions
on what should be public and what shouldn't,
which is why, rather than publishing these on my own,
or putting them out openly, I'm running them through journalists.
And that sounds great,
but of course it's not a fail-safe plan,
as was proven when the "New York Times" published this slide,
but did such a sloppy job of blocking out redacted information
that some people were able to read the information behind that black bar,
which concerned how the US was monitoring al-Qaeda in Mosul,
a group now known as ISIS.
So essentially, a national-security secret was leaked
because no one at "The Times" knows how to use Microsoft Paint.
And look, you can think
that Snowden did the wrong thing or did it in the wrong way,
but the fact is, we have this information now
and we no longer get the luxury of pleading ignorance.
It's like you can't go to Sea World
and pretend that Shamu is happy anymore
when we now know at least half the water in her tank
is whale tears. We know that now.
You can't un-know that information.
So you have to bear that in mind.
But here's the thing-- it's now two years later,
and it seems like we've kind of forgotten to have a debate
over the content of what Snowden leaked.
A recent Pew report found that nearly half of Americans
say they're not very concerned
or not at all concerned about government surveillance,
which is fine if that's an informed opinion.
But I'm not sure that it is.
Because we actually sent a camera crew to Times Square
to ask some random passersby
who Edward Snowden was and what he did.
And these are the responses that we got.
I have no idea who Edward Snowden is.
I have no-- no idea who Edward Snowden is.
I've heard the name. I just can't picture--
think right now exactly what it is.
Edward Snowden?
No, I do not.
Just for the record, that wasn't cherry picking.
That was entirely reflective of everyone we spoke to.
Although to be fair, some people did remember his name,
they just couldn't remember why.
He sold some information to people.
He revealed some information
that shouldn't have been revealed.
I think from what I remember is the information that he shared
was detrimental to our military secrets
and keeping our soldiers and our country safe?
I think he leaked documents about the US Army's operations in Iraq.
Edward Snowden revealed a bunch of secrets, I guess,
or information into Wiki-- WikiLeaks?
Edward Snowden leaked-- he's in charge of WikiLeaks.
Edward Snowden revealed a lot of documents
through WikiLeaks?
Okay, so here's the thing--
Edward Snowden is not the WikiLeaks guy.
The WikiLeaks guy is Julian Assange,
and you do not want to be confused with him,
partly because he was far less careful than Snowden in what he released and how,
and partly because he resembles a sandwich bag full of biscuit dough
wearing a Stevie Nicks wig.
And that is-- that is critical.
Julian Assange is not a likable man.
Even Benedict Cumberbatch could not make him likable.
He's un-Cumberbatch-able.
That was supposed to be physically impossible.
But I don't blame people for being confused.
We've been looking at this story for the last two weeks
and it is hard to get your head around,
not just because there are so many complicated programs to keep track of,
but also because there are no easy answers here.
We all naturally want perfect privacy
and perfect safety.
But those two things cannot coexist.
It's like how you can't have a bad-ass pet falcon
and an adorable pet vole named Herbert.
Either you have to lose one of them,
which obviously you don't want to do,
or you have to accept some reasonable restrictions on both of them.
Now to be fair,
the NSA will argue that just because they can do something
doesn't mean they do do it,
and that there are restrictions on their operations,
such as the FISA Court, which must approve requests for foreign surveillance.
But in 34 years,
that court has approved over 35,000 applications
and only rejected 12.
Yes, much like Robert Durst's second wife,
the FISA Court is alarmingly accepting.
"Listen, Robert,
"I'm not going to ask you too many questions,
I'm just going to give you the benefit of the doubt
that you clearly don't deserve."
At least tell him to blink and burp less.
The burping might be the most troubling thing about that show.
So-- so maybe it is time for us
to talk about where the limits should be,
and the best place to start would be section 215.
Not just because it's the easiest to understand,
but because there is widespread agreement
it needs to be reformed,
From the President to Ted Cruz
to both the ACLU and the NRA,
to even the guy who wrote the thing in the first place.
I was the principal author of the Patriot Act.
I can say that without qualification,
Congress never did intend to allow bulk collections
when it passed section 215.
And no fair reading of the text would allow for this program.
Think about that. He was the author.
That's the legislative equivalent of Lewis Caroll
seeing the Tea Cups ride at Disneyland and saying,
"This has to be reigned in! No fair reading of my text
"would allow for this ride.
"You've turned my perfectly nice tale of psychedelic pedophilia
"into a garish vomitorium!
This is not what I wanted."
And even the NSA has said
that the number of terror plots in the US
that the section 215 Telephone Records Programs has disrupted is one.
And it's worth noting that one particular plot
involved a cab driver in San Diego
who gave $8500 to a terror group.
And that is the shittiest terrorist plot I've ever seen
other than the plot of "A Good Day to Die Hard."
But here-- here's the big problem here.
If we let section 215 get renewed in its current form
without serious public debate, we're in trouble.
Because section 215 is the canary in the coal mine.
If we cannot fix that, we're not going to fix any of them.
And the public debate so far
has been absolutely pathetic.
A year ago, a former congresswoman
was discussing the 215 program on the news.
Watch what happened.
This vast collection of data
is not that useful
and infringes substantially on personal privacy.
I think at this point we should seriously consider
not just changing-- Andrea Mitchell: Uh, Congresswoman Harman?
Let me interrupt you. Congresswoman, let me interrupt you for a moment.
We've got some breaking news out of Miami.
Stand by if you will.
Right now in Miami, Justin Bieber
has been arrested on a number of charges.
The judge is reading the charges,
including resisting arrest and driving under the influence.
He's appearing now before the judge
for his bond hearing. Let's watch.
Oh, oh, actually, you know what?
Bad news-- we're going to have to interrupt your interruption
of the Bieber news for a new interruption,
this time featuring a YouTube video of a tortoise
having sex with a plastic clog. Let's watch.
(tortoise wheezing)
(woman giggling)
That is essentially the current tone
of this vitally important debate.
"Heee!"
And again, I'm not saying this is an easy conversation,
but we have to have it. I know this is confusing.
Unfortunately, the most obvious person to talk to about this
is Edward Snowden, but he currently lives in Russia,
meaning if you wanted to ask him about any of these issues,
you'd have to fly all the way there to do it,
and it is not a pleasant flight.
And the reason I know that
is that last week I went to Russia
to speak to Edward Snowden.
And this is what happened.
Oliver: Yes, last week, I spent 48 paranoid hours in Moscow,
arguably the last place on Earth where you can find
an overweight Joseph Stalin impersonator
arguing with an unconvincing fake Lenin.
And after experiencing Russia's famously warm hospitality,
I went to meet Edward Snowden,
who was supposed to show up in this room at noon.
However, at five minutes after the interview was scheduled to begin,
I had a troubling thought.
I don't know. You think he's coming?
Man: Yeah, he's coming.
'Cause my argument is, why would he, when you think about it.
I've got 2,000 rubles
that says he doesn't make it,
without understanding how much that is.
All I'm saying is,
a 10-hour flight for an empty chair,
I'm gonna lose my shit.
Okay, it turns out there may be a bit of a problem,
because our Russian producer
booked us in a room directly overlooking
the old KGB building
and the home of the current Federal Security Bureau.
And we've just been told they know we're here.
So, um, so that happened.
Um, just if the Russian-- Russian KGB is listening,
ring the fire alarm if he's not coming.
Oh, shit.
Oh, God.
So sorry for the delay. It's fine, don't worry about it.
Oliver: Holy shit! He actually came.
Edward fucking Snowden! The most famous hero
and/or traitor in recent American history.
And I'm starting with a question
designed to test his loyalties.
How much do you miss America?
You know, my country is something
that travels with me, you know?
It's not just a geography--
That's already a way-too-complicated answer.
The answer is, "I miss it a lot.
It's the greatest country in the world."
I do miss my country. I do miss my home. I do miss my family.
Do you miss Hot Pockets?
Yes.
I miss Hot Pockets very much.
Okay, um, the entire state of Florida?
Let's just let that silence hang in the air.
Um, truck nuts? Do you miss truck nuts?
I don't know what they are.
Lucky for you, Edward.
Not just truck nuts-- stars-and-stripes truck nuts.
That is two balls of liberty in a freedom sack.
You really thought ahead.
Well, at least one of us did.
You know, 'cause of the--
the quandary-- the Kafkaesque nightmare that you're in.
Okay, let's dive in.
Why did you do this?
The NSA has the greatest surveillance capabilities
that we have ever seen in history.
Now what they will argue
is that they don't use this for nefarious purposes
against American citizens.
In some ways, that's true.
But the real problem
is that they're using these capabilities
to make us vulnerable to them
and then saying, "While I have a gun pointed at your head,
I'm not gonna pull the trigger. Trust me."
So what's the NSA you want look like?
Because you applied for a job at the NSA,
so you clearly see an inherent value
in that shadowy organization.
I worked with mass surveillance systems
against Chinese hackers.
I saw that, you know, these things do have some purpose--
And you want your spies to be good at spying, to be fair.
Right. What you don't want
is you don't want them spying inside their own country.
Spies are great when they're on our side,
but we can never forget that they're incredibly powerful and incredibly dangerous,
and if they're off the leash, they can end up coming after us.
But just to be clear-- we're talking about two different things here,
domestic surveillance and foreign surveillance.
Right. 'Cause domestic surveillance,
Americans give some of a shit about.
Foreign surveillance, they don't give any remote shit about.
Well, the second question is, when we talk about foreign surveillance,
are we applying it in ways that are beneficial--
Uh, no one cares. No one-- In terms--
They don't give a shit. We spied on UNICEF, the children's fund.
Sure. We spied on lawyers
negotiating, uh-- What was UNICEF doing?
I mean, that's the question there, isn't it?
The question is are these programs valuable?
Are we going to be safer
when we're spying on UNICEF and lawyers
who are talking about the price of shrimp and clove cigarettes?
I don't think people will say that's good.
I think they'll say, "I definitely don't care."
Americans do not give a shit--
I think you're right. --about foreign surveillance.
Oliver: What some people do care about
is whether Snowden considered the adverse consequences
of leaking so much information at once.
How many of those documents have you actually read?
I've evaluated all the documents that are in the archive.
You've read every single one?
Well, I do understand what I turned over.
But there's a difference between understanding
what's in the documents and reading what's in the documents.
I recognize the concern--
Well, 'cause when-- when you're handing over thousands of NSA documents,
the last thing you want to do is read them.
I think it's fair to be concerned about,
"Did this person do enough? Were they careful enough?"
Especially when you're handling material
like we know you're handling.
Well, in my defense, I'm not handling anything anymore.
That's been passed to the journalists,
and they're using extraordinary security measures
to make sure that this is reported in the most responsible way.
But those are journalists
with a lower technical skill set than you.
That's true, but they do understand, just like you and I do,
just how important it is to get this right.
So "The New York Times" took a slide,
didn't redact it properly,
and in the end, it was possible for people to see
that something was being used in Mosul on al-Qaeda.
That is a problem. Well, that's a fuck-up.
It is a fuck-up, and these things do happen in reporting.
In journalism, we have to accept that some mistakes will be made.
This is a fundamental concept of liberty.
Right, but you have to own that then.
You're giving documents with information you know could be harmful,
which could get out there.
Yes.
If people act in bad faith--
We're not even talking about bad faith.
We're talking about incompetence.
We are, but you will never be
completely free from risk if you're free.
The only time you can be free from risk is when you're in prison.
Oliver: While the risks were significant,
Snowden himself has made it clear
he feels the rewards have been worth it.
You said in your letter to Brazil,
"I was motivated by a belief that the citizens of the world
"deserve to understand the system in which they live.
"My greatest fear was that no one would listen to my warning.
Never have I been so glad to have been so wrong."
How did that feel?
I was initially terrified that this was going to be a three-day story,
everybody was going to forget about it.
But when I saw that everybody around the world
said, "Whoa, this is a problem.
We have to do something about this,"
it felt like vindication.
Even in America? Even in America.
And I think we're seeing something amazing,
which is if you ask
the American people to make tough decisions,
to confront tough issues,
to think about hard problems,
they'll actually surprise you. Okay.
Here's the problem-- I did ask some Americans,
and, boy, did it surprise me.
I have no idea who Edward Snowden is.
You've never heard of Edward Snowden? No.
Man: I have no idea who Edward Snowden is.
I've heard the name. I just can't picture-- think right now
exactly what it is.
Well, he-- he sold some information to people.
Woman: He revealed some information
that shouldn't have been revealed.
Woman: Uh, Edward Snowden revealed a lot of documents
through WikiLeaks?
Uh, Edward Snowden revealed a bunch of secrets, I guess,
or information into Wiki-- WikiLeaks?
Edward Snowden leaked-- he's in charge of WikiLeaks.
I'm in charge of WikiLeaks?
Not ideal. I guess, on the plus side,
you might be able to go home, because it seems like
no one knows who the fuck you are or what the fuck you did.
You can't expect everyone to be uniformly informed.
So did you do this to solve a problem?
I did this to give the American people
a chance to decide for themselves
the kind of government they want to have.
That is a conversation that I think
the American people deserve to decide.
Oh, there's no doubt it is a critical conversation.
But is it a conversation that we have the capacity to have?
Because it's so complicated we don't fundamentally understand it.
It is a challenging conversation.
I mean, it's difficult for most people to even conceptualize.
The problem is the Internet is massively complex
and so much of it is invisible.
Service providers, technicians, engineers, the phone number--
Okay, let-- let me stop you right there, Edward.
'Cause this is the whole problem. Right.
This is the whole problem. I just-- I glaze over,
'cause it's like the IT guy comes into your office
and you go, "Oh, shit."
In fairness-- "Oh, shit.
"Don't teach me anything. I don't want to learn.
You smell like canned soup."
It's a real challenge to figure out
how do we communicate things
that require sort of years and years of technical understanding
and compress that into seconds of speech?
So I'm sympathetic to the problem there.
But the thing is, everything you did only matters
if we have this conversation properly.
So let me help you out there.
You mentioned in an interview
that the NSA was passing around naked photos of people.
Yeah, this is something where it's--
it's not actually seen as a big deal
in the culture of NSA
because you see naked pictures all of the time.
That terrifies people.
'Cause when we asked people about that,
this is the response you get.
The government should not be able to look at dick pictures.
If the government was looking at a picture of Gordon's penis,
I definitely feel it would be an invasion of my privacy.
Uh, yeah, the government looking at pictures of my penis?
That would upset me. Man: They should never ever,
the US government, have a picture of my dick.
If my husband sent me a picture of his penis
and the government could access it,
I would want that program to be shut down.
I would want the dick-pic program changed.
I would also want the dick-pic program changed.
I think it would be terrific if the program could change.
I would want it to be tweaked. I would want it to have--
have clear and transparent laws that we knew about
and that were communicated to us to understand
what they were being used for or why they were being kept.
Interviewer: Do you think that program exists?
I don't. I don't think that program exists at all.
Women and men: No. No. No. No.
If I had knowledge that the US government
had a picture of my dick,
I would be very pissed off.
Well, the good news
is there's no program named "the Dick-Pic" program.
The bad news is they are still collecting everybody's information,
including your dick pics.
What's the over/under on that last guy having sent a dick-pic recently?
You don't need to guess. I'll show you.
I did. I did take a picture of my dick.
And I sent it to a girl recently.
(laughs)
This is the most visible line in the sand for people.
"Can they see my dick?"
So with that in mind, look inside that folder.
That is a picture of my dick.
So let's go through each NSA program
and explain to me its capabilities
in regards to that photograph
of my penis.
So 702 surveillance-- can they see my dick?
Yes.
The FISA Amendment Act of 2008,
which section 702 falls under,
allows the bulk collection of Internet communications that are one-end foreign.
Bulk collection-- now we're talking about my dick.
You get it. It's not--
You get it though, right? I do.
Right, because it-- anyway...
So if you have your email somewhere like Gmail,
hosted on a server overseas or transferred overseas,
or at any time crosses outside the borders of the United States,
your junk ends up in the database.
So it doesn't have to be sending your dick to a German?
Uh, no. Even if you sent it to somebody within the United States,
your wholly domestic communication between you and your wife
can go from New York to London and back
and get caught up in the database.
Executive Order 12333, dick or no dick?
Uh, yes. EO 12333 is what the NSA uses
when the other authorities aren't aggressive enough
or they're not catching as much as they'd like.
For example-- So how are they going to see my dick?
I'm only concerned about my penis.
When you send your junk
through Gmail, for example-- Yeah.
--that's stored on Google's servers.
Google moves data from data center to data center,
invisibly to you without your knowledge.
Your data could be moved outside the borders of the United States--
Oh, no. --temporarily.
When your junk was passed by Gmail,
the NSA caught a copy of that. PRISM?
PRISM is how they pull your junk out of Google with Google's involvement.
All of the different PRISM partners-- people like Yahoo!,
Facebook, Google-- the government deputizes them
to be sort of their little surveillance sheriff.
Their dick sheriff? Correct.
Um, Upstream?
Upstream is how they snatch your junk as it transits the Internet.
Okay, MYSTIC.
If you're describing your junk on the phone, yes.
But do they have the content of that junk call or just the duration of it?
They have the content as well,
but only for a few countries.
If you are on vacation in the Bahamas? Yes.
Finally, and do you need to remind yourself--
No, I'm just not sure what to do with this.
It's-- Just hold on to it.
It's a lot of responsibility.
Yeah, it is a lot of responsibility. That's the whole point.
Should I-- No, you should absolutely not.
And it's unbelievable that you would do that.
Actually, it's entirely believable.
Uh, 215 metadata.
No. Good.
But-- Come on, Ed.
They can probably tell who you're sharing your junk pictures with
because they're seeing who you're texting with, who you're calling.
If you called a penis-enlargement center at 3:00 in the morning
and that call lasted 90 minutes?
They would have a record of your phone number
calling that phone number, which is a penis enlargement center.
They would say they don't know it's a penis-enlargement center.
But of course they can look it up.
Edward, if the American people understood this,
they would be absolutely horrified.
I guess I never thought about putting it
in the-- the context of your junk.
Would a good take-away from this be,
until such time as we've sorted all of this out,
don't take pictures of your dick?
Just don't do it anymore.
No, if-- if we do that, if--
Wait, hold on. Wait, you're saying no?
You should keep taking pictures of your dick? Yes.
You shouldn't change your behavior because a government agency
somewhere is doing the wrong thing.
If we sacrifice our values because we're afraid,
we don't care about those values very much.
That is a pretty inspiring answer to the question,
"Hey, why did you just send me a picture of your dick?"
(laughs)
"Because I love America, that's why."
Oliver: So there you have it, America.
All of us should now be equipped to have this vital debate.
Because by June 1st, it is imperative
we have a rational, adult conversation
about whether our safety is worth living in a country
of barely-regulated, government-sanctioned dick sheriffs.
Whoo-hoo! (firing)
And with my work here done, there was just time
to take care of one more thing.
Finally, congratulations on "Citizenfour" winning the Oscar.
I know you couldn't be at the ceremony for obvious reasons,
so, huh? Wow.
I thought we'd celebrate ourselves. Cheers.
Wow, that's-- that's really, really something. Thank you.
You're welcome. What's the over/under on me
getting back home safely?
Well, if you weren't on the list before, you are now.
Is that-- is that like, um,
is that-- is a that a joke
or is that actually plausible?
No, it's a real thing. You're associated now.
Oliver: Okay, just to be clear, NSA,
I never met this guy, so take me off your fucking list.
'Cause I do not want to get stuck in Russia.
I want to go home, I want to go home, I want to go home!
Now just for the record,
just so you know, we got in touch with the NSA,
the National Security Council, and the White House
and we asked them to comment on the dick-pic capabilities
of each of the programs Edward Snowden just discussed,
which, incidentally, were some very fun emails to write to government agencies.
They did not wish to comment on the record,
and I can see why, for every possible reason.
But that's it. That's our show. Thank you so much for watching.
Thank you to Edward Snowden. We'll see you again next week.
Good night!
(tortoise wheezing)